Disclaimer #2: I was really cranky when I wrote this post and apparently needed to blow off some steam. I felt much better afterwards.
Here it is.
I have learned a lot of things being pregnant these last 8 months. Here's a list of some of them.
1. Eating can become a chore. Even eating ice cream can be a chore.
2. Garlic and onions cooking is not always the best smell. Sometimes it's the worst.
3. Bodies are amazing and will stretch in ways you may never have imagined.
4. Growing another person inside your body is pretty wild.
5. The uterus is the coolest organ. It goes from being about the size of a pear, to about the size of a basketball, filling up your abdomen, and then back again.
6. Putting on pants and socks can be an aerobic activity.
7. Regular bowel movements should never be taken for granted.
However, the most important thing I've learned, is how to talk to and act around pregnant women. Here are some do's and don'ts when interacting with pregnant ladies in your life.
Don't comment on her size! It may be tempting to tell her how huge her belly is getting. It may also be tempting to say how tiny she is, especially for how far along she may be. Neither of these are great things to hear. As someone who has struggled to gain weight during my pregnancy, due to heartburn and a wicked high metabolism, being constantly told how tiny I am does not make me feel awesome. I, of course, love it when people tell me I look huge, but someone who is legitimately huge, probably doesn't want to be told that all the time.
Do tell her she looks great! Or gorgeous. Or beautiful. Tell her her belly looks amazing. Just don't put a size qualifier in there. It's not necessary.
Don't put your hands all over her belly without permission. Especially if she is a stranger or an acquaintance. Just because we are pregnant, our bodies are not suddenly public property.
Do ask for permission before touching the belly. Even if you are a close friend or family member, don't assume there is implied consent just because you have touched the belly before. Some days I love when people touch my belly. Others, I'm not into it. So much of ourselves have already been given up to this growing being, the last thing we need is people assuming we want to be touched or that it is their right to touch us. Unless someone has specifically told you that you can touch her belly whenever you want to, asking is always nice.
Don't ask her how she's feeling every time you see her. Unless you did this before the pregnancy, don't do it! It's ok to ask occasionally but please remember you are one person and though you may be genuinely interested, this is probably the 20th time she's been asked today. This can be particularly frustrating on days when we're not feeling so great. Then it's just a reminder every 10, 30, 60 minutes that "Oh, that's right, I feel pretty lousy today. Thanks for bringing that to my attention." Disclaimer #3: After I re-read this, I remembered that I work in a very public place, so I do get asked many, many, many times a day how I'm feeling. I was talking to a friend yesterday who was a nanny during her pregnancy and she loved it when people asked how she was feeling because being in a more solitary job she didn't hear it as often. I will acknowledge that this gripe may not be universal.
Do ask her about what else is going on in her life. This isn't to say you should avoid all mention of the pregnancy, it is simply a reminder that once pregnant, a woman's mind does not suddenly shift to all baby thoughts all the time. Soon enough our entire lives will be consumed with feeding and diapers and sleep deprivation. There's no need to funnel our minds onto one track before go that way naturally.
Don't tell her your birth horror story. Or that of your cousin, best friend, random acquaintance etc. If she wants to hear about your birth, chances are she'll ask. Horror stories are not helpful. It may be cathartic for you, but it's terrifying for us.
Do offer to be there if she has any questions or if she just needs someone to talk to. Sometimes listening without judgement can be the best thing you can do for a pregnant lady.
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| 35 weeks |
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| 7 weeks |
Just for a point of reference on why I get so irritated when people tell me I'm tiny.
Ok. Rant over. Marisa out!
